Effervesce.

When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say. "You hit like a bitch."


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Our hospital stay.

So last week I wrote a looong post about our transplant journey,  with many ups and downs along the way.  Today is all about our hospital stay. As I said last week, we had fun and games on Tuesday while we waited for our transplant.  We actually had a blast,  we weren’t nervous at all, that came later! Pete and Stian got hungry so we sent them for breakfast, and we were quite jealous that they could eat! We were starving!

In ICU I wasn’t very mobile,  although they forced me into physio (HATED) it!!!! Was sooo bloody painful. My Sister was in the big general ICU area and I was in isolation. I really hoped they would put us together but they couldn’t, I had to be in isolation.  But she visited me often, I went to see her after 3 days. We visited each other quite often. She would come to my room and I would go to her bed, both of us doubled over with pain. It was quite a sight for sore eyes! But as the days passed we walked more upright.

My Sister and I showing off our new hospital bands.

My Sister and I showing off our new hospital bands.

My gorgeous Sister.

My gorgeous Sister.

Keeping busy on my Tablet.

Keeping busy on my Tablet.

Not really sure what Pete was doing here with my scarf, probably needed to snooze.

Not really sure what Pete was doing here with my scarf, probably needed to snooze.

Sporting our sexy hospital gowns.

Sporting our sexy hospital gowns.

My Sister being wheeled to the theatre.

My Sister being wheeled to the theatre.

This was when things became real, suddenly the porter arrives to whisk her away. This was a difficult moment for me.  I couldn’t’ help feeling guilty, if I had normal kidney function my Sister would not need to go through with it. I knew what she was in for.  Thank goodness she didn’t have the massive surgery through her back, but believe me,  she was in a world of pain.

It’s so good to be on the other side of this.

Elize had left at this point, and I was waiting for the porter to fetch me, an hour they said, so I had to catch up with people quickly.

Elize had left at this point, and I was waiting for the porter to fetch me, an hour they said, so I had to catch up with people quickly.

DORMICAM!!!!!!!!

DORMICAM!!!!!!!!

I was pretty cooked at that point!! So nice I must say, I felt very mellow and sleepy.

My first anti-rejection drugs before the transplant.

My first anti-rejection drugs before the transplant.

I had to take my first set of anti-rejection drugs before the transplant.  I was worried that I would have side effects,  but luckily I didn’t.  I had no idea what I was taking, now I can do this with my eyes closed.

I was pumped with 5 liters of water to put the kidney under pressure,  it was really not great, but I know it was necessary.

I was pumped with 5 liters of water to put the kidney under pressure, it was really not great, but I know it was necessary.

This was the day after the transplant,  I felt like the Michelin man with all that water in me!

After the transplant.

After the transplant.

2 days after the transplant,  I was feeling heaps better.  The dreaded disequilibrium had dissipated somewhat,  I still feeling rather ill here, but getting better.

My Sister visiting me in ICU.

My Sister visiting me in ICU.

ICU visit.

ICU visit.

The view from my isolation room.

The view from my isolation room.

The staff in ICU were amazing, they really did their best for us, going up and down seeing how we were doing and reporting back, so sweet.  Apart from my Sister’s first Sister who was a right bitch to her, awful bloody individual, and my last Sister, also quite an awful person, she really should choose another profession. But for the rest, we had lovely staff.

Sweet patient Letta, my physio therapist.

Sweet patient Letta, my physio therapist.

Aaaaah, good ol’ physio therapy. Letta was THE most patient person with me. I did NOT want to move.  I just wanted to be left alone. And she explained that it was not gonna happen.  So with tears and fighting with her I relented.  Luckily my Mom had arrived by that time and she could bring a bit of balance to the situation,  she asked Letta to give me some time to settle a bit and to come back later.  I did make a new friend with one of the ICU Drs, Liam, he came and patiently explained why physio was needed, and after that I felt more relaxed about it. We had to do physio twice a day, hectic stuff.

Getting unhooked from all ICU wires just for a little break.

Getting unhooked from all ICU wires just for a little break.

Every now and then I would get a little break from all the wires, it was such a relief to get unhooked,  I could go and see my Sister or go to the loo, quite a novelty for me at that stage!

Eventually in the afternoon of day 4 my Sister got moved to Highcare, she still wasn’t weeing,  so they had to monitor her closely.  I was freaking out at that point! But she seemed quite calm, probably just to not freak me out as I know her to do. I begged and pleaded to be sent to the ward. Eventually the Drs caved in and sent me on my merry way after 5 days in ICU.  If I left it up to them they would have kept me there for 7 days.

Our selfie.

Our selfie.

We really had a blast up stairs in the Transplant unit.  We visited each other quite often.  We went walking all over the hospital and the car park to get some mobility back.

My Sister visiting me in the ward.

My Sister visiting me in the ward.

I had so many drips and needles in me that when they were all removed when I went home my arm looked positively zombie.

I had so many drips and needles in me that when they were all removed when I went home my arm looked positively zombie.

When Elize got discharched and went home I really missed her. It was an honour and a privilege to share this with her and spent 8 days together and recovering from the surgery.  She truly is such an amazing, selfless and generous person. Few people would willingly go through major surgery for someone else. She is my Hero.

“There is no better friend than a Sister, and there is no better Sister than you. “

“A Sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the Spirit,  a Golden thread to the meaning of life.”

“A Sister is a Forever Friend.”

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Our Spa Day.

A new spa opened up near us. Pete and I went on our anniversary and really loved it. So I decided to spoil my Sister a bit and I booked us in. It was lovely. We got massages and reflexology, it was so relaxing we could be there all day. After our massages we went to the little restaurant attached to the spa for lunch. What a lovely little place that was. We each had a few coctails, really very nice coctails, lunch and desert.  We will definitely go again and have lunch again after our treatments.

Pete is absolutely hooked on this spa, he’s booking us in again next Friday. He’s become a real spa bunny. (he will be so cross with me if he knew I called him a spa bunny) He feels its the best place to spend money! Seems I will have to be the voice of reason here. And since Elize and I had lunch afterwards Pete also wants to have lunch and drink, hahahahaha, ah well, it could be worse 😉

Signing in and having drinks before we go in.Our coctails

My Sister and her food
Our food.Me and my food.  

“Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.” 
― Carol Saline.


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Today is Woman’s Day.

This is the day we honour the women in our lives. I have a lot to be thankful for today, I have a posse of women who walk with me everyday. And I have been priviledged to gain some new friends along the way.

To my Sister Elize, I thank you for your love and dedication, you are always available when I need you. You step into the gap with ease and confidence. You are a second Mom to my boys. You are my light after a very dark tunnel. You are beside me all the way. You sit in hospital with me for hours on end, cheering me and showing me your support. You will never know exactly how much that means to me. I am astounded at your grace and love for me. Your courage has led the way for me to be brave in the face of adversity.  I am honoured and so very very priviledged to be your Sister and I am so thankful for the relationship we have. You are my very first best friend. I love you madly!

To my sweet sweet best friend Tanya. You are always there, you listen to my rants and rant along with me. You have a listening ear, you always pray for me. We have such fun you and I, dancing in the rain with you is a memory I will never forget. Your fiesty and fiery personality is just awesome! You always make me laugh!You walked this long and hard road with me without complaint. You are just always there for me, thankyou for being such a sweet friend. Thankyou for walking this road with me, I am never alone. I cant imagine my life without you. I love you always.

To Simone, I have known you since you were 9. My little Sister! Your enthusiasm and sense of fun is contageous. And just what I need! Thankyou for always dropping by, sending me messages, it comes just at the right time. You know just when I need a “pick me up”!  Great minds think alike! Like HUD!!! And one day, the most awesome “Pavement” will come along, and will be soooo much better than the old one! One that will suit you and your shoes best! Love you stax Babe!

To Tersh, my sweet friend, even though you have gone through so much in your life, you are always there to listen and to pray. You have helped in ways I could never repay, and I appreciate you so much. You have taught me some valuable lessons without even knowing it. I am honoured to know a beautiful family like yours. I love you.

Then my 2 new twitter friends Brenda and Janine, you guys have been so sweet, sending me awseome messages, some days at my lowest point without even knowing it. Words I needed to read just at the right time. I havent known you girls for long, but it feels like and old friendship already. I love you girls so much!

Then there is my Sister-in-law in New Zealand, she was a rock during my early days on dialysis, she phoned Pete every day to encourage him and send love to me. Being so far away was very difficult for her, but her help went a long way to secure my survival, I could never repay her, but I love her for the person she is to my family. Aunty Cathy rocks!

Then my friend Isobel in Canada. She’s been amazing, skype calls and whatsapp messages, parcels from Cananda with all sorts of prezzies. Her emails of encouragement meant so much to me. Its hard when friends live far away, you cant just pop in and have a cup of tea and a chat like it used to be, you have talk into a screen and miss them.

I will stop there, these women mean the world to me, and I am SO blessed to have them in my life. I look forward to tackling life with them right there by my side.

“There are women who make things better… simply by showing up. There are women who make things happen. There are women who make their way. There are women who make a difference. And women who make us smile. There are women of wit and wisdom who- through strength and courage- make it through. There are women who change the world everyday… Women like you.” 
― Ashley Rice


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Busy week indeed.

The weekend was very busy as predicted, but not in a good way. On Friday afternoon my Dad’s Dr. phoned in a flat panic and booked my dad into hospital with end stage renal failure. WTF??? End stage?? They were all supposed to come over for a braai on Sunday because they are moving to Natal next month, but we went to visit him in hospital instead. He’s out now, his potassium levels had to come down and his BP had to drop. He went to see his Nephrologist yesterday but the dude had to attend to an emergency so my Dad can only see him on Thursday. So we’ll know more then, but he has to go for dialisys (spelling? bah!) He’s only 65, still so very young.

Saturday night was at least a bit of a distraction, my partner in crime helped with that! Thanks pic!! The boys were dressed as a hobo and a goth, will post pictures as soon as I can. We were the dollies, and looked scary doll!

So now we wait for news, my favourite past time. Waiting.

On better news, my sister has finally stopped working, again, and we’ll be going out on Thursday, yay! I can’t wait, it’s just going to feel normal again, and that can only be good. I think we’ll get into the swing of things easily, and I won’t nag anymore k? Coz APPARANTLY I’m a NAG!! Have you ever? What kind? He he he he, revenge is sweet my dear, and it’s a dish best served cold (insert evil laugh!!)

“Don’t wanna, don’t havta, aint’ gonna!” -Rocky.


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Spring is in the air!

Even my cat is feeling friskie! She’s been jumping and running around outside like mad, hunting and chasing bugs and things! The poor baby birds need to watch out, she’s quite brutal with the new-born birdies, much to MIL’s disgust. He he he!  So, just a few more days then it’s official, spring will have arrived! I love a new season, it signals new life, even the start of winter is an exciting time for me. Not so much the middle or the end of winter, it just becomes really sucky then. We have a few projects lined up for spring, mostly garden related. I love the growing season, even my youngest is into gardening at the moment, he’s asked me to find a piece of garden for him so he can start buying plants and do his bit for our garden. I think that’s so cool!

It’s also the time for dinner parties and braais. I haven’t organised a dinner party for the first day of spring like I normally do, too much ugly stuff was going on. But we will have a blast on Friday night though, so that’ll just have to double up as our spring dinner. Can’t wait, am in the mood for champers! Will TRY and not do this again!!

GMC051

GMC049

But I’m certainly not promising anything!!It will also be time to turn the pool heater on, nothing beats a nice warm swim in the evenings. E and I usually beat the guys hands down! They get bored and get out and do guy things around the braai, we carry on for hours, stamina dude!

It’s time for us to take charge of our lives again, we need to pick ourselves up and move on, and see what the future holds. Can’t wait!

“It’s the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, but it is the little differences that make them interesting.”


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In conclusion.

Yesterday’s post provoked some controversy. I think in conclusion to this, I need to clarify some things. I have gone through most of the emotions that people go through who struggle with infertility. Yes, it IS hard to understand where I come from. Why does my sister’s infertility hit ME so hard? Afterall, I have two beautiful boys, I didn’t try and fall pregnant with my first, it just happened. I was off the pill for a week and BAM! A pregnancy. With my second, I “tried” for 3 months, I never thought for one second it would not be easy, and it was, very easy.

So why does it affect me in such a bad way? Most of you didn’t grow up the way we did ( my sister and I) we only had each other, we were then and are now, very very close. So when she started her TTC  journey, I went right along with it, wholeheartedly. Supporting her through every decision she made. Every month, E.V.E.R.Y. single month for the last almost 7 years, I would hope, pray, wish that she would be pregnant. After every miscarriage I was devestated for my sister and BIL. And I thought some pretty stupid things too, I would goo.gle pregnancy and AF , because most months I would be in denial about that bloody AF (scuse the pun) and see how many women are pregnant even during AF. Obviously it just doesn’t happen. I would look up decidual bleeding, in the hopes that it means pregnancy is very possible. I would lie in bed and calculate ovulation. All the possible fertile times. It just HAD to happen for her.

When her SIL fell pregnant I was insanely jealous, when the other one fell pregnant, same thing. When they fell pregnant with number two respectively, I thought I would explode with rage. I would ask questions and scream at God, why why why! All of which just didn’t help. When random friends got pregnant I was devestated for my sister, it’s hard to watch everyone around you popping out babies when you want YOUR sister to be having a baby.

I don’t always want to sit and listen to how cute this one’s baby is or that one’s baby is, but as a new mom, these fertile girls don’t mean to rub it in your face, they’re proud of their LO, happy, overwhelmed, in need of answers. When those struggling get to have their precious baby, they’re certainly not going to pretend their baby isn’t the brightest, cutest, smiliest, cleverest baby in the world. It all changes for you when you have that LO in your arms. It’s just hard to face when you’re on the other side of that.

So I do understand, more than most of you think. I get it. It’s very bloody difficult standing on the sidelines, powerless to do anything to help, bloody difficult. Many won’t ever understand what that is like. That’s why I get so miffed when a stupid poem like that goes around, not all fertiles are arrogant about their children. I don’t sit in judgement of infertiles, so obviously I take great exception to the fact that some of them judge us as moms. It just isn’t right. As much as they try and justify their feelings, it shouldn’t be so.

If my sister ever becomes a mom, I certainly hope she’ll be a better mom than I am, not because of her struggle, but because of her age. She’ll be older than I was, wiser and way more experienced at life. I also hope she’ll be able to learn from my mistakes. That’s what sisters are there for.

As alot of infertility is not understood by some fertiles, the reverse is also relevant. Fertlity is also not understood by some infertiles. It’s such a pity that it has become an “us against them” scenario, because we could teach one another so much about our respective situations.

Edited to add: It would be nice if there was more understanding from both parties, less offense and judgement etc.but that’s in an ideal world. Unfortunately life doesn’t work like that. Just for the record, I had no intention of causing offence to any party whatsoever, as this is my space I am entitled to voice my opinions, as are you.

“When we understand why and how people and things are what they are, hatred and prejudice can no longer exist.”