When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say. "You hit like a bitch."


Daily Life.

Life on dialysis has it’s ups and downs. I’m attached to a machine for 12 hours. I hook myself up at night after I’ve cooked and dished up. Then I watch TV. My machine is on a trolley but its not great lugging the thing around, but I do. Otherwise I feel like a prisoner. So for 12 hours I’m pumped full of a glucose solution. 10 litres over a 12 hour period.  It’s the only way to remove excess fluid from my body.

I really miss my kidney function. I used to take my kidneys for granted and never really thought about the important job they do. Like for instance, what I eat plays a huge role in whether my dialysis works sufficiently or not. Most fruit and vegetables have high doses of phosphates or potassium. And because those substances can’t be dialysed sufficently I’m not allowed to eat too many veggies or fruit. My diet severly lacks in fresh veg and fruit. I used to be a vegetarian, and lived on pulses and nuts and seeds, fresh veg and lots of fruit.

Now I’m not allowed lentils, nuts, seeds and most dried fruit. And can only eat small quantities of fruit and veg. But no citrus, too high in potassuim. The list of no-no’s go on and on in the veg and fruit department. It does get to me some times. But I have to remind myself that it’s life threatening to me if my potassium levels get too high. Heart attack. No thank you. Renal failure is crap enough.

Some days when I wheel my trolley around I remember a time when I didn’t have this ball and chain. I do feel sad. It does feel like such a bind, such a horrible life saving bind. I so wish I didn’t have to do this. But I do. I can lament my situation as much as I like, it doesn’t change anything. All I can do is hope. Hope for a better future. Hope for some good news. Hope this won’t last forever. Hope. I sometimes despise that word.  It means what I want hasn’t happened yet. I wish I was on the other side of hope.

As a family we have had to learn to live with our new reality. It hasn’t been easy, and we are still learning as we go. Some things have been easier than others. Like going on holiday. We are going away 3 times in the  next few months. First it will be a weekend away for us. Then 3 days away with family then 2 weeks in the Cape.  So that will be very interesting.

So we all learn to live with our new reality. I have to remind myself that there are so many people who have to learn to live with their new reality. It doesn’t make me feel better, it does make me feel not alone.

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” Mae West.




We are going to Dullstroom this weekend, it was spur of the moment thing. Not that I’m complaining, I love Dullies, but I must say that I really looked forward to having a nice relaxing weekend, we have such busy weekends and sometimes we just need to rest. But the boys, including Pete is so stoked to go, I must say, it is lovely and relaxing there, and I figure I’ll get some serious R & R in this weekend. Maybe catch some fish too, but we’ll see, it’s still a bit cold.

We had a second visit to our house from a couple this morning, they came about 2 weeks ago to look at our house and this morning they were here for 40 mins! I’m suddenly feeling quite nervous about all of this, I love my home and my garden, but we really need a fresh start. Last year I was supposed to have had a baby shower here on our front lawn, but that was not to be. Besides, I have decided that if I was ever to have a baby shower it would be in our new home, a fresh beginning for everyone involved. So now we wait, going away this weekend will  help us in this wait, coz I hate waiting, ugh, it’s for the birds!

When we sell this house the real heavy lifting starts. Finding a new one! We’ve already been shopping, but we find we are a bit on the fussy side, well ok, I am a bit on the fussy side. Anyway, I’m sure we’ll find something suitable soon, otherwise we have 2 options : 1. Move in with my parents-in-law while we find our house or 2. Move in with my sister and BIL while we look for a house, personally I prefer option 2, but neither of those options are perfect for anyone, especially the owners of  said homes with 4 noisy people invading their personal space. So my nervousness is nogal understandable!!

So now only time will tell!

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. “

1 Comment

Do you remember when…….

We could do this…..?  Way back when the sun was actually shining?? And it was hot! It’s almost autumn and we’ve hardly had a summer! What gives? Every Thursday Elize tells me we need to swim before summer ends, but every week it’s been rainy and a bit chilly, so no go there I’m afraid. We’ve really missed swimming this year, the few times we could swim it was awesome! Drinks and snacks by the pool is just my favorite way to relax and enjoy summer.

So now we wait and see if summer ever decides to come back before it’s gone for another crappy winter, so we’ll see. Maybe.

The Goofy look is an optional extra!!

Leave a comment

Home alone!

This is my holiday after the holiday. Pete’s back at work and boys have been at Amy’s house since 9 this morning. I am having a blast! It’s so quiet here, the tv is off, no i.pods are blaring, no arguments about who has control of the remote, no demands just silence, it’s bliss. As much as I adore my boys and husband, I also need some peace and quiet. It doesn’t happen often in my house that I am all alone, so when this does happen, I love it.

I can plan all sorts of things, like my finishing off my garden, deciding on a final design for my herb garden, figuring out how I’ll do the new pathway etc. Reading a magazine, and just generally being here by myself.

The end of the school holidays are upon us, and I’m looking forward to school again! (not that I would EVER go back to school or would want to, but I love teaching the boys, so it’s different and doesn’t count!) I like being where I am, it’s cool! And apparantly I’m a COOL mom! According the boys’ friends, so there you have it! Not as lame as I thought I was!


2010 is here!

Today is the first day of 2010, and it’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining and it’s nice and hot here! I love weather like this, it’s my absolute FAVE!! Last night we listened to all the bangs as Gauteng erupted in a New Year’s frenzy, we are not allowed to have any loud crackers here in our suburb, so we could only have the showers of sparkles, but it was great fun anyway. I do feel for the freaked out animals, so I’m glad we didn’t break the rules last night, my cat seemed to handle very well, she’a a brave little thing!

Last night as we said goodbye to my sister and bil, we wished them a happy new year and though we have no expectations for this year we are feeling very excited, as I’ve said before. Alot of things will be different this year and that’s quite exciting!!

So here’s wishing everyone a a FABULOUS year!

1 Comment

Our Christmas day!

I can truly say that this Christmas wa our best ever! We had a fantastic time. We had15 people over for Christmas and everyone had a wonderful time. I couldn’t help but wonder if this would be the last time everyone would be together for Christmas, it made me sad to think of that as a possibility, but I didn’t dwell on it. It was a celebration of note this year, we celebrated surviving the worst year of our lives, on all fronts. I look at everyone and marvel, we are ok, we made it through the tragedy and heartache, we might not be in one piece anymore, but we survived, and that’s all that counts.

We can now only look forward, the worst that could happen happened, now I’m looking forward with excitement and a bit of nervousness, but mostly excitement. I have absolutely no expectation for 2010, just a sense of excitement, if that makes any sense at all!

I wish everyone a very happy 2010 and wish you all everything that is beautiful!



Wishing everyone a very Happy Christmas and may the next year be filled with joy and happiness!


 I have decided not to reflect on this past year, I think it speaks for itself. We are all looking forward to next year, not for any specific reason other than to put 2009 behind us and start over. So with that, I wish everyone a wonderful Christmas  and a blessed year! Cheers!