When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say. "You hit like a bitch."


Forgetting to dialyse!

Ok, so for the past two nights I have been forgetting to prime my dialysis machine. I get all comfy on the sofa, or I’m quite busy in the kitchen cooking. Then it dawns on me. I gotta prime that damn machine. It used to be such a part of my evening routine, I’d open the bags, get the cassette out, attach everything, load the cassette and prime. Then when the bags are nice and warm, I attach myself and dialyse. But these days it’s the furthest thing from my mind. It’s as though I’m doing something I don’t really have to do. Freaky actually. Maybe it’s because it’s all so tedious. Maybe.

Anyway, Pete has persuaded me to start my meds. Ugh. I REALLY don’t want to! Really really. So I’m starting tomorrow. Didn’t want to start just yet. There’s nothing like putting it off for one more day is there? So tomorrow the work starts. Pete injects it into my line (he likes doing it, and I really don’t so it works well) then for 6 hours I have to walk around with 2 litres of fluid in my belly, then after said 6 hours I have to hand dialyse (drain the fluid) and put 500ml in my belly. Which is what I’m used to. I’m SO not looking forward to 15 days of that crap, but alas, I have no choice.

Renal failure sucks.

“Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don’t believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it’s good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.” 
― Andrew Soloman



Dialysis machine fail.

Sometimes my trusty ball and chain fails. Yep, just like that something goes wrong. Either the cassette (the thing with all the pipes that plugs into the pump) is faulty and the machine screams until I press the stop button, or the pump door won’t open, or some thing or another doesn’t comply. Nothing, and I mean nothing gets me more pissed off when that happens. It’s enough that I have to contend with the daily grind of dialysis, I don’t also want to deal with a bothersome shitty machine.

Like when the bloody cassette fails and water gushes out all over the floor. And this is no ordinary water, no it’s a glucose solution. And let me tell you, that’s some sticky shit right there! I get so hacked off. Nothing makes me swear more than when there is sticky crap all over the floor, and bloody masses of it too!!

It’s very difficult to see the silver lining when that happens. If things can just work the way they are supposed to, our lives will all be just that much better. Anyway, after a deep breath, the mess got cleaned up and life went on.

Some days I’m just so sick of it all.

“True, if you fight, there is always a chance you might lose. But if you do not fight, you can never win.” 
― Taylor E Bennet.