Effervesce.

When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say. "You hit like a bitch."


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If I could send my future self a letter……………

It would say:

“Dear future Amanda.

I know you will go through many things. But, you need to change some things in your life before they consume you. For instance, there are some relationships that you need to sever right now. They will cause you harm later. Take your medication religiously, no matter how they make you feel. At the first sign of nausea, go see you Nephrologist, there might be something he can do. Stay away from all GP’s! Teach your kids now that life isn’t always smooth and easy going, I know that’s a tough one but you need to do it now. Start that business you have been putting off, the longer you wait the more difficult it will become. Be easy on yourself, you can be too hard on yourself. Take time out for yourself, you need it. And very importantly, now listen closely, you cannot control your life or anyone else’s for that matter. You are not in control. Let stuff go, it’s out of your hands anyway. And live your life, nothing you do can change the outcome of any situation. It is what it is. You will have to learn to live with trauma and loss, it will happen, several times. Don’t take it personally. But you will also be stronger and more resilient for it. So don’t fight against it. Life is unfair, it’s how we handle it that makes us stronger or weaker. You will also realise that there are only a handful of people who will be truly supportive, forge those relationships, and stay away from those who want to bring you down.  You are stronger than you think you are, so when you feel you can’t anymore, remember that. And last but not least, enjoy your life, you don’t get to do it again. Live well and without baggage.”

Wish I knew all of that before life happened. So now I really try and live my life according to this, it’s so much easier. My life, although difficult somedays, are in many instances a lot easier. And I’m so thankful for the many blessings I have in my life. I’m healthy, I know it sounds like an oxymoron coming from someone with FSGS and renal failure, but I am healthy. I do have hope, more on that in October. So yes, I’m happy, even though I still want many things to happen, I’m secure in the knowledge that God has me. I am happy regardless, not rewardless.

“Courage: the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” 
―  Maya Angelou

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