There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I found this excerpt as part of a poem written for infertiles, I didn’t bother with the rest of the poem. Because I found it to be completely offensive. So I can’t help but wonder if the children of a fertile person feels that their mom is not as good as the mom who struggled? Do they sit and pray and wish that their parents struggled JUST so they could have better parents? Just wondering. It always amazes me that some infertiles think they’ll make better parents than us fertiles, JUST BECAUSE THEY STRUGGLED. So us fertiles could never hope to be as good a mom to our children, because we didn’t struggle. Our poor poor children, how terrible they must feel.
As you can see, I’m mildly irritated by this. I do know that not all infertiles think like this, but I can tell you, lots of them do. Which begs another question. What makes a mother? In SOME infertility circles, it’s the STRUGGLE to fall pregnant, and, TA-DA!! You’re a better mother than ANY fertile out there. So that means that these infertiles feel they have not-so-good mothers then. They must then feel that their parents should rather have struggled to have them, because then they would have had better parents. Just wondering about that notion. As that’s EXACTLY what they’re saying.
This is flawed logic, because children come into the world as children, they don’t care how you got them. They are unaware of whether their parents struggled or not. All they want is for you to take care of their needs. In the best possible way. All a parent can do, is their best.
In my world, it’s HOW you raise your children, how much love and respect you show them, how you guide and steer them. Understanding that you DON’T have all the answers, and knowing that the mistakes you made was done out of love for your child. But moving on from the mistake, and learning from the mistake. It’s keeping the lines of communication open, and when something happens, not to follow your first instinct to freak out, but to calmly listen and talk it through. To know that your heart will break for your children, but they will always give you immesurable joy. Understand that children WILL dissapoint you, but they will ALSO try and make up for it. It means to always re-asses how and what you are doing, the same formula doesn’t last forever, as children move through phases, so you’ll have to change how you guide and steer them through life.
The list goes on. In my opinion, it’s not the struggle you have or lack of a struggle that makes you a better mom. It’s what you do AFTER you’ve struggled, or didn’t struggle that makes you a good parent.
“There are two things over which you have complete dominion-authority and the control of your mind and mouth.”